The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' look here person' thing instead you can look here of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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